Today marks fives years since my dad left this world and went on to be with Jesus. In many ways each passing year gets easier.
Our last picture together.
But there are some things I miss…
Lately, I’ve been missing his corny jokes. He told the worst ones… the ones that would just make you groan and roll your eyes. But his eyes would light up and he would laugh at himself. I wish I could remember more of those corny jokes. (more…)
Four years can seem like a long time, but also like a breath. And this is especially true when you’ve lost someone you love.
They say each year gets a little easier, and in some ways I can say it does. After four years, it’s started to become ‘normal’, meaning, it is what it is. Well, most of the time. Then every once in a while, I momentarily forget and have the urge to call him. I had one of those moments earlier this year when I was having trouble with my jumper cables in the rain, no less. It’s one of those moments that a girl needs her dad. God has placed many good father-like men in my life, for which I am so grateful… but as much as I love them, it’s just not quite the same.
But, like I was saying, it does seem to get easier with each passing year. I am thankful that the day was not as hard as I thought it might be. I had a minor moment in Bible study this morning when we were singing a song about God being the Father to the fatherless. But I held it together… I didn’t really want to become a sobbing mess only 10 minutes into our study. Plus, I wasn’t wearing cry-proof mascara. And I hate breaking down into one of those ugly cries in front of such a large group. Ugly cries are reserved for those select few who know me so well that I don’t mind if they see me fall to pieces.
The other day I had one of those moments… the moment when you are ready to pick up your phone to call someone you love only to remember quickly (and painfully) that they are not here anymore.
My friend Theresa called me last week because her car battery had died and she needed a jump in order to get to church. I drove over the park where she was waiting, in the rain no less. We both fumbled with our umbrellas and we lifted the cars’ hoods and I searched through my trunk to find my jumper cables. I had a large umbrella, thankfully, but having to practically lay down in my trunk to get to the very back of it where the cables were stored, I could feel my backside getting wet. Fabulous! Seriously, who wants to go to church with a wet rump? (more…)
How do I even begin to talk about a day that brings such mixed emotions?
Sadness at the years of what could have been and can never be recaptured.
Joy that he is free from pain and sickness.
Thankful that God led us to reconciliation.
Sadness that our new-found relationship ended too soon.
Wistfully watching dads and daughters interacting.
So joyful that he is with Jesus now.
And so incredibly thankful that I have a Heavenly Abba who loves me. (more…)
I struggle to even put into words what the last three years has been to me. While I rejoice that my dad is no longer suffering with the painful effects that Crohn’s disease can cause, that also means that I don’t get to see him until we are reunited in Heaven. But this one thing I know is true: God is ever faithful to His children.
Since the band Mercy Me sings it so well, I will let them speak for my heart: (more…)
Tomorrow is my birthday.
Birthdays are a bitter-sweet thing for me. They weren’t always, but they always will be.
A day of celebration was quickly turned to tragedy on my 27th birthday. I got news that my dad had a massive stroke. He was already very unhealthy from Crohn’s disease, and his body could not fight back. Two days later, he went to be with the Lord. And I miss him. (more…)