Musings from a promise-collector

Oh, he was slick!

He found a perfectly legitimate reason to get my number. He called to discuss the Perspectives class that we were taking. He hung around me and my friends in class.

Then he did it in the smoothest way possible – he asked me out to dinner and invited my two friends along. He was smart. I was so much more at east. And even though only T could make it (since W was sick), I was so much less nervous about it. I was going on a date! 

And he immediately won T over by not just paying for my dinner, but for her’s as well! That grabbed my attention!

But even though I was thoroughly enjoying going out with and getting to know Daniel, I was frustrated with myself. I was finally getting to experience all of the things that I had dreamed of, but I found it difficult to let myself enjoy it. I knew something was wrong.

So I asked the Lord. Was this relationship not meant to be – did I need to step away, even though it was good? Or was something wrong (or misaligned) with one of us?

Well the Lord answered me clearly – it wasn’t the first one, it was the second. And the problem was me. He began to show me that there were two things misaligned in my heart that He wanted to help me make straight 0 to line up with Him and His heart.

The first area had to do with fear. My friend Dani was praying for me at the time, unaware of the new relationship yet. She told me that she heard the Lord say “fear is not for this chapter” and in her mind saw a picture of a book with torn out pages where fear had been. He was starting something new, absent of fear. As this friend shared with me, I began to realize that as much as I wanted this, I was terrified.

For so long I had heard the Christian world tell me to “guard my heart!” But what God showed me was that I had built up a wall to prevent myself from getting hurt. Now no one could come close. He gently and mercifully asked me to tear down those walls, and give God my heart to guard… and to eventually give away to the one He chose for me. So I submitted. It was never mine to guard. I had asked Him to bring my husband, so I must let Him guard it until that man was ready.

The other area had to do with my identity. I had been working with Infusion Ministries and had learned much about my identity in Christ through that time. I had grown so much in my relationship with Jesus through that new knowledge. But He showed me one thing that I was holding onto. I had let singleness become a part of my identity. It had become synonymous with who I was – perpetually the single girl. I had worn that title begrudgingly at times, and with pride at others. And God was asking me to turn that over to Him. It wasn’t who I was, but simply a season of my life.

Once I turned those things over, my heart was now free to enjoy the new chapter in my life. I finally felt like I could fully rejoice in what God was doing between myself and Daniel.

What’s holding you back from fully entering in to the season where you find yourself? Are you fearful? Are you believing a lie? Ask God to show you, turn those things over, and enter into whatever He is calling you into.

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