Four years can seem like a long time, but also like a breath. And this is especially true when you’ve lost someone you love.
They say each year gets a little easier, and in some ways I can say it does. After four years, it’s started to become ‘normal’, meaning, it is what it is. Well, most of the time. Then every once in a while, I momentarily forget and have the urge to call him. I had one of those moments earlier this year when I was having trouble with my jumper cables in the rain, no less. It’s one of those moments that a girl needs her dad. God has placed many good father-like men in my life, for which I am so grateful… but as much as I love them, it’s just not quite the same.
But, like I was saying, it does seem to get easier with each passing year. I am thankful that the day was not as hard as I thought it might be. I had a minor moment in Bible study this morning when we were singing a song about God being the Father to the fatherless. But I held it together… I didn’t really want to become a sobbing mess only 10 minutes into our study. Plus, I wasn’t wearing cry-proof mascara. And I hate breaking down into one of those ugly cries in front of such a large group. Ugly cries are reserved for those select few who know me so well that I don’t mind if they see me fall to pieces.
But aside from the morning, the day went on as normal. I had such a busy schedule, and I think that helped. I was surrounded by people all day, and had plenty of things to keep my mind busy. Not to say that I didn’t think of him often throughout the day… but I didn’t want to get stuck dwelling on the trauma of those three days. I tried to remember the good, and think ahead to Heaven. Because that is where our hope lies. A tear-free eternity in Heaven because Jesus himself will wipe away every tear.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4
On days like today I look forward to that with even more anticipation than usual. Until then, I am thankful to know that my dad is with my Jesus.