Considering the horrors I endured that fateful evening, it should have been a dark and stormy night. But it wasn’t. It was a fall night like any other. I found myself engrossed in the plot of a good book until I realized how late it had gotten. I snapped the book shut, flicked off my reading light, and quickly did the mental math as I rolled over, calculating how many precious hours of sleep I could get if I fell asleep instantly.
Laying my right side, I snuggled down deep into my covers, pulling the blankets up around my face. I made every effort to become motionless, beckoning sleep to hurry to my heavy eyelids. And of course when you are trying not to move, that’s when a need arises; I felt a little ticklish itch in my left ear. Finally conceding that I would not sleep until I satisfied the itch, I responded to it with a quick twist of my pinky finger just inside my ear. Confident that this would solve the problem, I resumed my motionless wait for sleep to arrive.
But the itch didn’t go away.
I scratched again.
But to no relief.
So I scratched once more.
Finally, sighing, I got out of bed… knowing this was taking away precious minutes and seconds of sleep. I quickly padded barefoot through the dark to the bathroom and flicked on the light. Thinking that I must have a fuzzy stuck in my ear, I grabbed a Q-Tip in a last-ditch attempt to make the tickling-itch stop.
I think I audibly gasped at what I saw on the Q-Tip: a very tiny white spider hanging from the end by an invisible thread.
No, I am no kidding. I wish I was.
A. SPI. DER. IN. MY. EAR!
Yeah, you could say I freaked out… if practically hyperventilating while doing a heebie-jeebie dance around the room constitutes as “freaking out”.
While I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that I had just found a bug… nay, a SPIDER… in my ear, my mind began to take off in a million directions. How did it get in there? How long had it been in there? Had it laid eggs? No, it was too small. *Gasp!* Did it HATCH in my ear? What if there were more? What if it bit me? Should I call my doctor? Maybe I should use another Q-Tip or ten just to make sure it didn’t have a buddy with it when it went exploring through my ear canal. There was a SPIDER in my ear! Oh my cow! How on earth would I sleep now?
After I let myself freak out for a few minutes, I knew it would be silly to wake anyone else in the house to tell of them that I was just assaulted by the tiniest spider known to man. And I realized that I didn’t want to call my doctor at 11pm since the spider was obviously too small to even bite, so I calmed myself down. I did, however, do a few more heebie-jeebie moves on my way back to bed.
It took a lot of convincing, but I finally believed the arguments I told myself that this was a one-time kind of thing, that there were no more spiders in my bed, and it was ok to sleep. But just to be sure, I went completely under the covers, just to make sure no more rogue spiders found their way into a carelessly exposed ear. Sleep did not come quickly that night.
It was only six months ago, but I have tried to block it from my memory (obviously being so traumatized by it), until I was reminded of it yesterday when I read the Garfield comic strip:
I can totally empathize with Jon. Poor guy.
Have you ever found a bug somewhere you wish you hadn’t? I’d love to hear about it! Tell me about it below in the comments!
*Note: I did talk to a doctor in church a few days later – he said as long as my ear was no longer itching or hurting I should be fine. And I am glad to report that I have not had baby spiders hatching out of my ear.